Open Apology to E.L. James

Let me start out by apologizing to E.L. James, and then I’ll tell you how I got to this point.

I was lying in bed, playing Final Fantasy X HD Remaster, hanging out in Mt. Gagazet, killing some bandersnatches. The word “bandersnatch” reminds me of Benedict Cumberbatch. I then remembered a picture I saw a couple of weeks ago that shows his natural hair color, with is surprisingly gingery. That led me to think of the bias against red-headed men, and how they’re supposedly considered unattractive, so ginger actors often dye their hair for their roles. I remembered that Christian Grey, the title character of Fifty Shades of Grey, is described as having “copper” hair, yet he is portrayed in the movies as being quite brunet. “Gosh, that was a horrid piece of fanfiction,” I thought, “it was such a train wreck toward the end of the second book, I couldn’t stand to get the third one.”

I then remembered the moment when I thought Fifty Shades had truly jumped the shark. It was at the very end, when Anastasia’s former boss is revealed to have tampered with Christian’s plane in a murder attempt. The man was trying to get his revenge because Grey stopped him from sexually assaulting Anastasia. Oh, and Grey had bought out the publishing company Ana and Jack worked for.

“How convoluted,” I thought. “How could anyone consider this to be remotely realistic?”

Then I thought of GamerGate. People are having their private details published all over the Internet. Police are getting false alarm calls to homes of people who disagree with “Gators.” Women are getting rape and murder threats, ostensibly because of “ethics in journalism.” In actuality, a bunch of boys feel threatened because some are calling for more inclusivity in the video game industry.

It’s a lot like a man who ostensibly is angry because he was fired from his job, but, in actuality, is pissed off because he was out-alpha’ed by a rich, powerful guy who got the girl he wanted. Or it’s about ethics in publishing.

Either way, that whole scenario in Fifty Shades seems a hell of a lot more feasible, now that life is imitating art.

Once again, I apologize, Ms. James.

But I still think your work is crap.

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A quick word about Kim Kardashian

I’m not a fan of Kim Kardashian. I didn’t like her father, I can’t stand her mother, her stepfather seems to be a hot mess, and I just don’t see much to like about Kim herself.

That being said, she’s a grown woman and can do whatever she damn well pleases, so long as it doesn’t harm anyone else.

There are many reasons to throw shade at her, but lately, people are up at arms over her recent magazine photos. Some people are even saying that because she’s a mom, she has no right to post these sexy pictures.

Reality star Kim Kardashian, wearing a black evening gown. She is holding a champagne bottle in her hands, while a wine glass is perched on her backside. A stream of champagne goes from the bottle, above her head, to the champagne glass.
This is the only picture that’s SFW (safe for work).

*needle scratch*

Why can’t moms be sexy? Is there some unwritten rule that once you give birth, you’re no longer allowed to be sexy or have sex ever again? How are we to “be fruitful and multiply” if we don’t at the very least feel sexy during motherhood? Are we all supposed to have one kid and that’s it?

David Beckham, how DARE you! You’re a father of four! (source: Us Magazine)

Isn’t it a bit hypocritical to suddenly be up at arms when she decides to show us a bit more about what made Kim Kardashian famous in the first place?

She’ll already have to explain her sex tape to her daughter North West some day; isn’t a magazine shoot tame in comparison?

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