Posted by dee on Jan 17, 2010 in
Uncategorized Once again, Woot sums up my feelings.
Woot : Lenovo Core2Duo IdeaCentre All-in-One with 21.5” LCD.
Isn’t The Tonight Show supposed to be on right now?
First you wanted the Lenovo, then the O’Brienvo, and now back to the Lenovo.
Honey, I think our new Lenovo Core2Duo IdeaCentre All-in-One with 21.5” LCD is broken.
THE COMPUTER! THE COMPUTER THING IS BROKEN!
No, the big, bright LCD screen is intact. The facial recognition software still sees me. The better-than-your-average-desktop video card is still running smoothly. Unfortunately, so is the stupid healthcare software yelling at me for sitting too close.
No, I just can’t figure out why Jay Leno is on right now. This is Conan’s time slot, right?
I mean, I got this sucker for two reasons: first, I hate Apple but I wanted an iMac; and second, I wanted to be able to watch interesting and well-crafted sketch comedy using the TV tuner. Not typos in local newspapers. What is this garbage? Oh, wow, look at that: people say dumb things when you blindside them with a celebrity, a camera crew, and a lighting rig. No kidding.
We might have to take this thing back. I mean, the DVD burner’s still good, the wireless keyboard is nice, and the Lenovo Rescue System with OneKey recovery and Antivirus are awesome. TheWindows 7 Upgrade makes up for the installed Vista, and the Intel Core2 Duo Processor works great. This little 4-in-1 remote is pretty nifty, too.
But Jay Leno? No way. No deal.
What? They gave him this time slot? Why would they do that? His ratings have been terrible. SurelyNBC wouldn’t reward failure like that, would they? I mean, that would be incredibly, almost criminally stupid.
Does the guy need more money? He hasn’t quite bought enough stupid cars? Why can’t he just keep shilling Doritos to a nation with an obesity epidemic? Or keep doing those god awful stand-up gigs in Hermosa Beach. I think more people might watch him there than on TV.
This is what’s wrong with America, you know. I’m telling you honey, this guy gets kicked off The Tonight Show, gets a new gig, sucks wind there, and gets rewarded with a better time slot at the expense of a more talented comedian. Failing upwards is the new American dream. It’s not right!
Well, on the bright side I guess we’ll keep the computer. We’ll just have to find some other reason to use it on late nights now.
Posted by dee on Jan 17, 2010 in
Uncategorized FLASHLIGHT: BRAND NEW MOON
Sarah awoke to find Edward staring at her creepily from the foot of her bed.
“Uh, what? What the hell are you doing here?” she said, bewildered.
“I was just watching you sleep. Isn’t that dark and brooding and romantic?” Edward brooded darkly.
“No. That’s just creepy.” Sarah turned on her Stanley 3-in-1 Tripod with Mini-Tripod Keychain, which she always kept at her bedside. “Aren’t you that weird emo kid from the woods? Holy crap, are you sparkling?”
“Yeah, weird, that usually only happens in sunlight,” his brooding words darkly brooded across the room and into her ears.
“Well this thing’s got a brightness of 60 lumens, Sparkles.”
“Please don’t call me that. It’s gym class all over again. Anyway, I’m a vampire. And I love you,” he darkly brooded.
“Love me? You haven’t even said two words to me until you snuck into my room. That’s not love; that’s an unhealthy infatuation, and you’ve clearly demonstrated a complete disregard for my personal boundaries,” Sarah wisely noted.
“But that’s because you’re my brand of heroin,” Edward broodingly brooded in such a dark and brooding manner that it was so totally hot.
“So are you here to ask me out or something? Can I just reject you now and get this over with?” she asked.
“Actually,” Edward brooded, “I want to fall in love with you, then run away, thereby forcing you to string along a werewolf guy while you go nuts and detach from everyday life in your obsession with me so that I can return, proving to millions of teenage girls everywhere that if your boyfriend leaves you the only way to get him back is to go completely insane and isolate yourself from everything else.”
“I’m sorry,” Sarah responded after picking her jaw up off the floor, “is this seriously your best effort? I mean, this is the plot of some pulp comic riff on Romeo & Juliet, right? Who in their right mind would fall for this?”
“Well,” Edwards dark words brooded, “I was hoping you would.”
“You know my last name’s Van Helsing, right?”
“Who?”
“Nothing. Come in and meet my dad!”
via Woot : One Day, One Deal (SM).
Posted by dee on Jan 8, 2010 in
news This awesome woman is a truck driver-turned DV advocate. She actually got started by standing up to her brother and making sure he was prosecuted for sexually abusing a relative.
Tags: advocacy, DV
Posted by dee on Jan 4, 2010 in
Google Voice Travesties Google Voice is nifty, but it ain’t perfect. Its transcriber tries to fill in the blanks for things that are unclear. Usually, hilarity ensues. For example, “Hey Dee, it’s Skye” became “Hey Dee, it’s a guy,” much to my husband’s dismay.
Here’s an even more disturbing message from my father:
(The grey words are the ones Google admits it couldn’t quite understand.)
Dad (845) XXX-YYYY – mobile
1/3/10 7:36 PM 17 hours ago
|
|
|
|
Hey Dee, Dee, This is me, Yo Ma, Don. I. I would love to date. Please call me back as soon as possible. Thank you, okay.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
…
…
… can we say, “creepy?” I may call my father many things, but Ryan O’Neal is not one of them.
The real message plays:
“Dee, this is me. Your mother and I are having a debate. Please call me back as soon as possible. Thank you. ” *click*
Tags: family, Google Voice